How does your cat wake you up? Assuming you have one, of course.
The Mogret has many tactics for awakening us; they vary in intensity and ignorability. Mostly she will start out with the typical greeting blorp, to let us know she has decided that it is Morning. If we fail to respond to this with the required action i.e. leaping out of bed at once to feed her and open the cat flap, she will progress to the next level. This usually involves some sort of physical violence. She punches, she pamples, she divebombs.
If this brute-force approach doesn’t work, it is time for the claws to come into play. Unfortunately she has learned about Under the Duvet, and the fact that a artfully-aimed swipe at the end of the bed will probably result in all sorts of interesting reactions from the taller of the two humans. How grateful I am to be short!
Sometimes, having attempted violence upon us with no results, she will then divert from shredding humans to shredding paper. She will search the house for paper or cardboard, bring it into the bedroom, and shred it loudly. She knows this will seldom fail to provoke a reaction, as one can never be sure exactly what it is that she has chosen to destroy.
If this is ignored, she will start on the non-feet end of the bed and attempt violence on arms or any other available flesh. Such was the impressive reaction she got this morning to a stealth attack on phil, that I fear we have taught her a new trick. Basically, she attempted to shred him, and he leapt upwards, creating enough of a gap under the duvet for an obstinate cat to gain entry. So she did, and sat under the duvet, staring at him.
Unfortunately, at this point he had decided to get up as the tea-indicator was flashing. I do hope there was enough time between the attack and the getting out of bed, for a connection not to have been made in the little cat-brain, but I doubt it.
I do worry that sooner or later she will learn the ultimate way of getting phil out of bed: making tea in the next room, so the smell will set off the tea-indicator and therefore cause the self-launch program to initiate. I do hope she can’t read this.